


History (never) repeats

by Mission_ARS



Series: History [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse, Drugs, Drunk Driving, F/M, Football Player Harry, Football Player Liam, Football Player Louis, Football Player Niall, Football Player Zayn, Football | Soccer, Gen, Hurt Liam, Hurt Niall, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Niall and Liam are siblings., Niall-centric, Oblivious Harry, Oblivious Louis, Oblivious Zayn, Protective Liam, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, fem niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 13:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13502132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mission_ARS/pseuds/Mission_ARS
Summary: When Niall's brother Liam dies in a car crash, Niall is left holding the pieces of her shattered life in her hands. The big brother she's always looked up to is gone and she want's to know why. Yet months go by and the accident continues to remain a product of Liam's reckless behaviour.Then her own life takes on a new turn as she unwittingly steps into Liam's shoes and begins down the same path of self-destrcuction her brother walked.





	History (never) repeats

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a bit cautious on my Underage warning tag. I don't specify the ages of any of the characters, but Niall, Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn are in highschool/collage and Liam is about 17/18 while Niall is somewhere around 16/17. I know in other contries that the age of consent is different to mine (which is 16) so I figured I'd better place it just to be safe.

They got the call at 5am on Sunday. The morning after the big game.

It was an accident they told them, Liam had been out driving drunk when he crashed. He drove straight off of the road and into a tree. He’d been speeding, they said. The car was so wrapped around the tree they had had to get the jaws of life out to reach him. But they had been far, far too late to save him. He’d done drugs at some point that night. He’d been celebrating with the team. No-one could remember him leaving. It was just luck that the only person he had hurt had been himself.

She could remember thinking, _Not luck. Just my brother_.

Her father had seethed in rage, taking it out on her, banning her from parties, drugs, alcohol everything and anything. As if the accident had been her fault. As if she’d been the one stupid enough to drive when she’d been drinking. Her mother had cried. His friends had offered her their deepest regrets and then life had moved on. The world shifted and changed until it became a world without her brother in it and she was left standing in confusion.

Where had it all gone wrong?

Everyone called it denial. But she knew her brother. He was clever, he knew better to drink drive. It was him that had lectured her when he found her drunk the first time about the dangers of drinking and to know her limits. He’d made sure she knew to never ever drink drive. And as far as she had known he’d never done the same… until now. He’d been the greatest big brother a sister could have. He looked out for her. And he wasn’t a hypocrite.

There had to have been something else going on, because how else could he die and leave her like that? The past few months before his death he’d been… different. Her brother had always been responsible, and then all of sudden he was off going to parties and stumbling home drunk, sometimes wasted at strange hours of the morning. He’d come home late from school and once she’d caught him doing drugs, but he’d promised her he’d never do it again so long as she didn’t tell mum or dad. So she hadn’t and she hadn’t caught him doing them again. But according to his autopsy he had been that night. Most hurtful though, was when he had started avoiding her and the rest of their family. They’d never been the closest of brothers and sister, but they had got on alright. They had bonded over their mutual love of soccer and trained together for the schools first XI teams. Then he’d slowly stopped showing up to their practices together, pushing her further and further away when she started demanding a reason why. _Just because we’re related doesn’t mean I have to baby you for everything_. She can still remember the words he yelled at her, _I’m not your fucking personal tutor! You're a captain. For Gods sake, grow up and act like it._ And then the quieter but more hurtful _If you can’t even train without your big brother holding your hand then maybe you shouldn’t be on the team._ _Stop expecting everyone else to do everything for you Niall._

And to top everything off, his attitude towards soccer had changed in a way that didn’t make sense. 3 months ago he announced at the dinner table he wanted to quit football. Their father had erupted. She could still hear her fathers voice yelling in her mind…

 _“Are you out of your mind?”  
__“I just don’t want to do it anymore. I want to focus on my studies instead,”_  
_"What the fuck is wrong with you Liam? All those months, those years I’ve spent training you and you’re just going to waste it of bloody academics?”_  
_“I’m thinking of my future dad. You know how hard it is to get a career in sport. And even the best are out of a job by the time their forty,”_  
_“So what you’d rather waste all of it? Soccer is your future Liam, it’ll give scholarships to any university you want. Scouts are already looking at you,”_  
_“I don’t want to do it,”_  
_“Well tough!” “_  
_I hate soccer, I hate the game, I hate you!”_

… and then Liam had stormed out slamming the door behind him. He hadn’t come back until 2 in the morning and Niall had lain awake listening to him throwing up down the toilet. She’d tried to talk to him the next day, but he had brushed her off. _I just don’t want to anymore Ni, you don’t understand._ And hurt that she knew she was being shut out she’d walked away. Maybe if she’d pushed harder… maybe things could have been different.

From that point forward, it became a long string of nights that followed the same pattern. Liam would say he wanted to quit, their father would tell him he couldn’t. They’d fight into the night until Liam stormed out of the house and didn’t come back until early in the morning, wasted off of his face. The next morning their father would force him to go to soccer practice and Liam would come back say nothing to anyone to anyone. Sometimes he’d come back limping from some injury or another that he had obtained. Then a couple of days later the cycle would begin again. Yet on the nights he didn’t go out and get drunk, sometimes Niall could hear him kicking a ball around in the backyard.

He said he hated soccer, but when he thought nobody was looking, he would keep playing.

Everyone said it was just a phase. Teenage hormones or something like that. The year had just been months of fighting, drinking and dead silence. But the night hadn’t been like that. He’d been happy, cheerful, exhilarated off of the big win he’d had that afternoon. Enthusing about this goal that he’d scored or how proud he was that lanky Harry who for some reason flunked every goal he’d tried to score had shot the goal that had won them the match. He was back to being Liam again. He’d even offered to play soccer out in the garden with her like old times, even though he was limping from some injury from the game. She hadn’t cared though, she was just happy to have her brother back.

When she told him so he just looked sad…

 _“I’m sorry I haven’t really been there Ni, truly I am. There’s just been… a lot going on,”_  
_“Like what?”_  
_“Just… stuff. Don’t worry about it,”_  
_“But Li-“_  
_“You’re getting really good you know,”_  
_“Li I want to-“_  
_“Maybe you can be the great soccer playing dad expects me to be-“_  
_“Li please-“_  
_“Just don’t play for a bad team alright. Make sure they all treat you how you deserve okay? Nothing less,”_  
_That shut her up. “Are the team not being nice to you Li? Is that what’s going on?”_  
_Liam laughed, “Harry’s going to be all pouty when I tell him you said that. And poor Lou! I thought you liked him,” laughing even harder at Niall’s giveaway blush. “My team’s great Ni, just… just make sure yours is too.”_

… and then Zayn had arrived and Liam and him had driven off to the party together. Normally Niall would have gone with them, but her own team had their game the following afternoon and there was no way Niall was going to jeopardise it with a hangover. And then it hadn’t mattered anyway because Liam had died, and Niall got yellow carded for being too aggressive during the game and sent off field. Coach had scolded her, but Niall hadn’t even cared. The rest of her team simply gave her pitying looks while her parents escorted their embarrassment of a daughter away.

Belatedly she wondered if Zayn had managed to get a ride home. When she asked weeks later, Zayn said that by some luck Liam had organised before they even got there, that Harry would take Zayn home. _“He loved you, you know,”_ Zayn had said as she had turned to go, _“He wouldn’t want to see you so hung up like this.”_ It had taken all of her resolve not to slam the door on the way out.

~

Life moved on. Liam’s funeral came and went. Liam’s friends stopped coming ‘round to offer comfort and began to come around to hang out. Niall’s mother stopped crying every time she looked at the seat in which Liam normally sat. Niall’s father began to emerge from his study and attended Niall’s soccer games. Niall’s team stopped looking at her with pity in their eyes, and Coach started praising her like he had when she first became captain. It was 2months after Liam’s death when coach approached her after her game, clapping her on the shoulder. He pulled her aside and said he had an offer…

“ _I’ve been watching you recently, you’ve improved greatly this past year,”  
“Thank you coach,”  
“I want to make you a special offer; I gave it to your brother at the beginning of the year, but with how much you’ve improved, you could easily become just as good if not better,”  
“What sort of offer?”  
“If you like, if you don’t mind staying after school for a little while longer, I’m prepared to give you private tuition. I believe you can easily reach your brother’s level within a month or so. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the captain that brings our female’s team back onto the leader board again,”  
__“I’ll have to talk to my parents first,”_  
_“Your father has already given me permission. All you have to say now is yes,”_  
_“Well then uh… sure,”_  
_“Good girl,”_

 _…_ and he’d ruffled her hair, as she left, making it messier than it already was which had irritated her, but she was in too high a spirit to care too much. She went out with the boys and got drunk and made out with Louis that night. Things were finally beginning to look up since Liam had died. She was doing well on the team. Her and Louis seemed to maybe, finally, be going somewhere. And she had great friends that took the pain Liam had left behind and made it a little more bearable.

And then she had to go and screw everything up and life went back downhill again.

 

It should have stuck her as odd. Lying back against Zayn and her feet draped over Louis’s legs and Harry off in the loo, she asked them if they had known Liam had been having private lessons with coach. Zayn had laughed it off, _“No he didn’t Ni,”_ but Louis had turned his head to look at her and asked sharply…

_“Where did you hear that from?”  
“Coach told me, he said he only offers it if he thinks your good. How come?”_

Louis had leaned back…

 _“Liam mentioned something a while back, but he was kinda weird about it. Did he ask you too?”_  
_“Weird how?”_  
_“Weird, like how you just avoided my question weird,”_

Niall had kicked his leg with her foot and denied being asked. Coach had asked her not to tell anyone else about the private lessons encase they got jealous. He didn’t have the time or the money to tutor everyone privately, he’d told her, he only picked the best. Louis was the best player on the boys team, she had hoped he would know something of it, because it felt weird being the only one. It also made her feel special knowing she was better than even Louis if Coach had offered her private lessons. One month later and three months after Liam died Coach kissed her and private lessons took on a whole new meaning.

She’d just completed a mock penalty shoot-out flawlessly. Every single shot had been executed without the possibility of being caught by even some of the more prestigious soccer players. She had been exalted. She’d raced up to coach ready to give him a high-five that was their tradition whenever she completed a particular exercise right. This time instead of giving her a high five though, he’d grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a kiss.

_She froze in his arms, her brain unsure of what was happening. The knowledge that this was wrong but the uncertainty of how to respond next. His lips were hard and forceful and his tongue demanding as it pushed at her lips and forced itself into her mouth._

_His arm reached up to fondle her breast and it was like a trigger to her system. She brought her free arm up to push it away. Yanking herself free of his mouth, only to rebound back when he pulled on her still trapped wrist._

_She couldn’t pull it out of his grasp no matter how much she twisted it._

_“Stay still, you tease.” “Coach this isn’t appropriate.” “Just accept your reward. Be a good girl,”_

He’d pulled her in and kissed her again, and she hadn’t been able to pull away. He told her it was her fault for being a tease. Told her if she refused to comply she’d ruined every chance she had at playing professionally. He’d ruin any scholarship chance she’d have as well and did she want that? _“You’re finally flourishing away from the shadow of your brother,”_ he had told her, _“Do you really want to let a little kiss ruin that for you? I coached Liam, he was so proud of your skills. Do you want to waste this for him?”_ And that had been enough to get her to comply. Because Liam wanted her to do well. He’d spent time he could have spent with his friends teaching her how to play and coach was right. She couldn’t just throw that away. So she went home, had dinner then gone over to Harry’s house, and drunk all his alcohol, in front of the poor boys eyes. She made sure she paid him back for it the next day and ignored his questions of if she was okay.

One kiss turned into more, and suddenly she was getting drunk nearly every night going from first Harry’s house, to Zayn’s and eventually wound up and Louis when Zayn and Harry ran out of alcohol. Everyone thought it was grief, that changed her.

 _“You’re not Liam you know. He’s gone, and you can’t make him reappear just by doing everything he once did Niall.”_  
_“Don’t be silly, Liam wanted to quit soccer. I refuse to quit.”_  
_“Liam didn’t want to quit, Niall,”_  
_“Yeah he did, dad just wouldn’t let him,”_  
_“Soccer was Liam’s life,”_

And Niall had laughed and laughed and laughed because it was soccer that made Liam drink and it was after a game that he died. And now that he was dead soccer was making her drink too, but in a different way. When her parents had walked on her puking in the toilet one time too many they chucked out all the alcohol they could find and grounded her. But Niall still snuck out and found more. Even when Harry and Zayn and Louis stopped providing her with some, she crashed parties and flirted with guys until she couldn’t remember the taste of Coach’s seamen in her throat of the feel of his tongue in her mouth.

Then they won their first major game and everyone was so proud because Niall was leading the team to victory. Coach made sure she knew it was his training that had paved the way for it and he expected her to pay…

 _“You’re my good girl aren’t you?” Pressed flushed against her back, hands squeezing her breasts. Lips sliding beneath her ear._  
_“Look at you making your way to greatness,” his hands in her hair, dick in her mouth. “_  
_You learn so well, you’re already so much better than Liam.” Whispered against her lips, his tongue exploring one place, his fingers exploring another._

…and then he’d replaced his fingers with something else…

_“You’ll always remember me now, even when you’re in the premier leagues. You’ll remember the coach who brought you to greatness,” Burning as he moved his penis in and out._

…and she couldn’t.

As soon as he had left her lying on the floor of his office, semen drying on her chest and around her mouth. She wiped what she could off, not bothering to shower and put her clothes on, eager to be out of there as soon as she could. She somehow found her way to Louis place and practically fell into his arms, begging him to please, please give her some alcohol…

 _“Ni what’s wrong?”  
"I just need a drink,” _  
_You’re crying,”_  
_“Please Louis, I’m fine I just need some alcohol.”_  
_“Alcohol isn’t the answer to your problems,”_  
_“I’ll pay you back,”_  
_“I’m not giving you alcohol,”_

She’d burst into tears. And Louis had rushed her out of sight of his many younger siblings and into his room. When she’d finally calmed down Louis kissed her, and she’d kissed him back they way she was supposed to do. Just how Coach had taught her.

 _Louis pulled away. She could see the disgust in his face. “Ni, is that cum in your mouth? Did you just  fucking kiss me with someone else’s cum in your mouth”_  
_She tentatively touched the corner of her mouth, “Oh,” when her finger came back with cum on it._  
_“Have you been fucking a guy? Is this what this is about?”_  
_“I’ve been playing soccer, Lou,”_  
_“What the fuck are you talking about?”_

But then she had got up and left. And Louis had let her. Just like that she ruined the first time they’d ever kissed sober. She managed to crash a nearby party, and when she was offered drugs, she took it without asking questions, hoping that if she could just forget, forget everything happened then she would wake up to Liam jumping on top of her…

 _“Lazy-bones it’s time to get up!”_  
_“Go away Li,”_  
 _“Nah-uh it’s trials today and you’re going to pass,”_  
 _“I just want to sleep,”_  
 _“Come on Ni! Won’t it be awesome, me in the boys team and you in the girls. Dad’ll be so proud,”_

_“Plant your foot next to the ball when you go to kick it, and lean forward. No! Not that far forward, like this,”_

_“Li! Did you see my goal?”_  
_“Sure did. I’m so proud of you Niall, you know how to kick a ball into a net, maybe next time you can get it past the goalie instead of waiting for them to leave the goal,”_  
_"Shut up it’s my first goal,”_  
_“I’m just messing with you,”_

_“Li where were you? I thought you were going to help me practice,”  
“I was busy Ni,”_

_“Li you haven’t played against me in weeks I’m probably better than you now.”_  
_“Go away,”_  
_“But-“_  
_“Not everything’s about you Ni,”_

 _“Hey Ni, want to have a quick game before Zayn gets here?” “  
_ " _I thought you didn’t like playing against amateurs who shouldn’t even be captains?”_  
_“I’m sorry about that Ni, you caught me at a bad time. Do you want to play or not?”_  
_“Of course I do,”_

_“Make sure they treat you how you deserve okay?”_

_“Li? Li, please help me,”_

When Niall wakes up with her face pressed into the pillows she knows immediately she’s not in her room. On a second glance it’s easy to see right away that she’s in Liam’s room. She has no recollection of most of the night before and no clue how she’s in Liam’s room. It’s been 6 months since he’s died and nobody’s been in there until now.

Just being in there fills her with great sadness, but great comfort too. So she skips school and she stays in his room. Switching her phone off so she doesn’t have to deal with the messages from her parents or Zayn and Harry. Louis texts her an apology but she refuses to leave it. At some point she starts going through his stuff and that’s when she finds it. The present with her name on it, sitting at the back of his wardrobe.

It’s a novel, but it’s the note that is folded neatly on top of the novel that interests her.

_Dear Niall,_

_I know this novel isn’t something you’d normally read but I read it and I don’t know, maybe you will understand more than if I could explain it. I’m assuming if you find this, this means that I’m dead. Im sorry Ni, I hate to leave you, but I guess I just could not do it anymore._

_I know I’ve been harsh on you this year, and I’m sorry it’s just… it’s just been rough. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before… I didn’t want to alarm you and then it didn’t seem important. Coach has a thing for you. I don’t know if you noticed or even if you had that you thought anything of it, but he pays you more attention than any of the other girls. I honestly don’t think you got your Captain role because of how good you are. I’m sorry Ni, but Alexis is a slightly better player than you and she’s more experienced. You’re just prettier._

_I hate having to say – or write this, because you are a good player and don’t go second guessing yourself because Coach gave you the role before you were ready. You would have earnt it already, just not as fast as you have. As it is you’ve done a fantastic job in it, so don’t stop okay? It’s important that you know this Ni. Before I go. Once I’m gone I can’t protect you anymore. Just… if he offers you private lessons don’t accept them, he’ll only use them to take advantage of you like he does me. Make sure you and him are NEVER together alone. If you can find another team please change. Somewhere where everyone, even the coach respects you like you deserve._

_You’re a good player Ni, but when it comes down to between a role or your honour, please choose your honour. Don’t learn this the hard way._

_Tell Dad I’m sorry I couldn’t be the soccer player he always wanted me to be and tell Mum I’m sorry I broke her heart. As for the lads, they’re good guys so don’t go pushing them away. (And if you and Louis ever get together, I always thought you’d be a good couple. I’ve seen how he can always make you laugh even when I can’t)._

_I love you Ni. Liam._

Niall’s hands are shaking when she looks down to see the title of the novel _Speak_ by Laurie Anderson. Her tears fall thick and fast and suddenly she’s running out of the house, and she’s in the car and at Liam’s grave without even thinking about it.

The graveyard is quiet and she’s the only one there. And she flings herself onto the ground as if she can embrace him through the earth screaming at him. “I hate you so much. Why didn’t you tell me? You’re a bastard Li! I hate you! I hate you!” screaming until she’s hoarse and her eyes are too dry to cry. And then she goes to sleep and she dreams of killing herself like the way Liam was planning to.

She wakes up to a stranger shaking her shoulder still on Liam’s grave asking if she’s okay and do they need to call someone? She shakes her head and leaves. When a quick check of the time tells her that she hasn’t been gone that long, she makes her way back to the school.

She’d sat in Coach’s office and waited for him. However, she can’t help but surge with anger when she sees him. She’d shoved the letter in his face and screamed. _“What did you do to him? What did you do to my brother?”_

Coach reads it, calmly rips it into four pieces, screws them into a ball and then throws them in the bin. “ _Exactly what he tells you. I gave him private lessons like he asked,”_

 _“Like the one’s you give me?”_ She’d asked him, daring him to answer.

One look had been enough to tell her they were exactly like the ones she got. So she told him she quit. That she doesn’t care if ruins her career, she won’t work with a murderer or a rapist. It was coach that drove Liam to wanting to kill himself. It doesn’t matter that the crash was an accident Liam would have killed himself eventually.

Coach hits her. It’s the first time he’s ever laid a hand on her like that. She refuses to shut up after that. Even as coach pins her down and fucks her. She’s still shouting her accusations until he shoves her underwear in her mouth so her words are muffled. It’s disgusting. For the first time ever he rapes her (could she have called last time rape? She had been presented with every opportunity to leave and yet she’d stayed. In the end it had been her choice.). When he finishes he gets up and leaves her crying, bruised and naked on the floor of his office. She doesn’t care, she rolls over and digs the remains of Liam’s letter out of the trash and clutches it to her chest like a lifeline. Whispering to it as if her brother would enter her world through it and protect her once again.

Louis finds her not long after. Curled in the corner with just her underwear on crying and clutching Liam’s to be suicide note.

_“Niall? Niall what are-? Why are? Is everything alright?”_

Niall had just shaken her head, and Louis sighs and moves and sits next to her wrapping his arms around her and holding her. It’s almost nice, and Niall wants to lean into his embrace, but she can’t.

 _“What happened Ni?” More gentle, “Why are you half naked in Coaches office?”  
“Do you know Liam wanted to kill himself because Coach raped him?” Whispered. _  
_"Coach wouldn’t do that.” Denial._  
_“The private lessons Lou, Coach said they were for the best. Why was Li the only one who had them? Why didn’t coach even offer it to you?”_  
_“Ni do you know how crazy you sound?”_  
_“Read it.” Thrusting the paper at Louis..._

Louis had pieced the note together and read it in silence. Then pieces begin to fall into place.

_“Niall, sweetheart, why are you practically naked in Coaches office?_

Gentle, tentative, he already knew. She’s curled into a ball, so he can’t see the cum that’s all over her but as she unfurls herself. The white stick substance that coats her is answer enough. Louis’s breath intake is angry sharp.

 _“Please Louis can we go get drunk?”_  
_“We need to get you to hospital,”_  
_“I just wanna drink. Just one I promise,”_  
_“And let him get away with this? He raped you and he may have also raped Liam!”_

In the end Louis manages to take her to hospital, and her father is stony and her mother cries. The hospital staff prod her in uncomfortable places and the police ask her all manner of questions. It’s awful and embarrassing, but through it all Louis holds her hand and Harry and Zayn hover and look after her and maybe… Just maybe she can hope things will turn out alright.

After all she’s spent 6 months in Liam’s shoes, and she’s still alive.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was just a random little piece that came out on it's own and I figured why not post it on here? I'm half tempted to do a bonus mini chapter on the day Liam dies if this gets enough likes but... we'll see I suppose.
> 
> Anyway, feel free to comment and leave your thoughts below.


End file.
